I haven't posted in a VERY long time and well, today is the day I snap out of it! I've been really down in the dumps and its certainly not because I have a bad life. I have everything I need in life. I've just been having some inner-struggles lately and certainly don't mean to upset or disappoint my family or friends. Its funny, I watch so many young people think they are the only ones trying to find their way in this world, when the truth of the matter is, we all are. It doesn't matter how how old we are, how young we are, we all are looking for something, something that makes us matter, makes us feel, makes us special, makes us feel accepted, makes us who we are.
Yesterday, I spent a lot of dedicated time with my little one and we had so much fun (and yes, I spend lots of dedicated time with my kiddo, yesterday I was more aware of the value of this time than I have been in a long time).
Lately, I have felt like I am only known as the mother of my child or my husband's wife and I completely know its who I am. People don't phone to see how I am doing, they call to check in on my family and I get that if you want to know about our little family I am probably the best person to ask because I am the one who knows how everyone is doing, what everyone's schedule is and so on. So, I've been feeling pretty invisible lately, kind of insignificant, not saying I need to be the person in the spotlight, cause that certainly isn't me either, I'm good blending.
However, yesterday after spending an incredibly fun day with my kiddo, I realized I am special because of these two very important people in my life. I am special because they honor me with being a part of their lives. They trust me to keep them organized and ready for the world I send them off into every day. They know I will be there when they need a shoulder to lean on. They know I will listen to the great accomplishments they have or the incredibly bad day they may have had. They know I love them and my life is not complete without them.
What I do may not seem so special or glamorous to some. Yes, I do a lot of laundry, I clean the house, I clean the toilet, scrub the shower, I don't go to a so-called "9-5" job, but my job is important. I work 24/7/365. And yes, I may complain a little (or a lot) some days, but who doesn't complain about their "9-5" job. Some days I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhogs Day, I live the same routine over and over again, but its this routine that makes my family feel secure, loved and taken care of. In all honesty, I could have gone back to work full time after having my kiddo and I could be very successful in the corporate world, I could easily pay for childcare, but we made choices. Some people agree with our choices, some people do not. Some people don't think I contribute to our lives because I'm not earning a wage, but I think what we have is beyond what I could have earned in the last 6 years...
We have a happy child. We have a good life. We are healthy. We have a roof over our heads. We have 2 cars (more than some people who work have). We have family hugs. We go on family "adventures". We have respect for one another. We say please, thank you and bless you when someone sneezes. We comfort one another. I don't remember any of these points in any of my past work contracts. So, yes, I'm pretty lucky. Although, my job is sometimes repetitive and feel like its invisible, it also comes with incredible perks. So, yes, I have a lot to be thankful for and I do know I matter and that I do have a purpose. I just lose my way every now and again, the tunnel becomes very narrow and I can't always see the light at the end. However, when I do have my A-Ha moment its very real and most often very sweetly in the form of a hug from my boys.
So yes, I am thankful today and every day for the boys in my life that make me important.
A little project me and my kiddo worked on yesterday. :)
Have a wonderful day and I hope you spend a little time counting your blessings like I have. :)
All the best,
Traci
Thanks for listening as I ramble on. :)
